Civil conversations generate compelling consequences.

Civil, as I have come to understand the concept, has to do with the attitudes and behaviours that not only allow, but also encourage, people to live together in ways that are mutually supportive. It has to do with creating a community, one conversation after another, marked by respect for others, willingness to learn, and commitment to the common good. The word carries connotations of courtesy, graciousness, and consideration.

It does not involve, however, giving up on one's convictions. Civil conversations create a space for those to be expressed, challenged, and often refined or revised.

At some deep level, it involves the humility to learn and to change for the better.

Compelling is a concept that has intrigued me lately. It carries a sense of arousing strong interest and admiration by exercising an energetic and positive influence. There is a flow to that influence - through five stages - that works best when you adopt the attitudes and behaviours of civility.
  

1. You attract a person's attention through listening, showing respect what they have to say.
2. You capture a person's interest through curiosity, seeking to understand more deeply the values and aspirations that underlie what they are saying.
3. You form an alliance with the person by appreciating the common values and aspirations that you share.
4. You grow together with the person by exploring thoroughly differences in strategies for achieving your common goals.
5. You agree to act together in a ways that contribute to a flourishing community.

I'm not suggesting that this flow is easy, or quick, or guaranteed. Building this kind of team can be messy work that takes resilience to achieve the desired consequence. But entering into conversations with your colleagues with the intention of finding this flow significantly increases the possibility of generating this kind of vibe.

If, like jazz musicians, you decide to practice the sound of your conversation - its content, its tone, and its feel - with the intention of generating compelling consequences through civility, then your presence will be more powerful in a positive way.

 
Cheers,